Mobile Blogging

Sept 3rd, and it has been a while since my last posting. Life was not that great for the past few months. So, I was reading some article on the net about mobile blogging and I was really "taken" and wanted to try it. So, this is my first writing posted via my blackberry bold. Hope its gonna work. Cheers!

Peeking Through This Lense

Uhm, almost a month since my last posting. The truth is, I was browsing through some quite interesting blogs, reading some amazing postings, and then suddenly I realized that mine was long not updated ---> so, this is me trying, squeezing my tiny drained-brain, remembering every moment and brushing off my blurred images of what has been happening around me for the past 29 days.

Yup, I bought myself a new camera. The most anticipated purchase of the year, Canon EOS 450D Digital SLR. Huhu, new toy in the list and it cost me few thousands. And I should thanked Shukor for the advise and of course for the 18mm-55mm lense. Did not expect that this newly developed interest is gonna cost me this much. Hmm, but nobody knows what to expect. --> Columbus never expect to find America, which he did <--- So, weeks after the purchase I was busy taking photos and get myself familiar with this new addiction, ahakss! Apperture, shutter-speed, dept of field and some other weird photography terms, were my "buddies" and of course the subject of my "snapping". Those three (3) photos (included in this posting) were my trial shots (of many shots) taken somewhere --> 20 to 30 metres of my house. Not a good photos, but I guess I need to get start somewhere. Like that old wise man says, "thousand journeys begin with the first step".

The second photo I took from the bottom of the plant, trying to capitalize the bluest of the sky without a single cloud entering the frame.. ehehe. But the yellow leaves kind of over-exposed to the light. And finally, the third photo --> one of my trial to apply the concept of "dept of field" in photography. Hmm.. more things to learn and to be put into practice, and more shots to be taken, but ME already addicted to this new hobby. Looking forward to fullfill my second thing in "to-do-lists". Meet again in the next posting!

Chiao!

Sit, Write & Decide?

Another hot boring night!

Here I am, trying very hard to pull myself away from this state of extreme dullness. Like yesterday, and like the day before yesterday, there's no interesting program on the TV (really need to re-evaluate the purpose of subscribing this so called "macam2 ada" cable TV). Ah! Got myself stuck-in this ring of deception again! Anyway, let forget about my never-ending dilemmas, what is more important - Arsenal is going to face Man U tomorrow morning at Emirates Stadium, yeah! Let see what will be the outcome tomorrow! So, got a big thing to be discuss tomorrow with my two die-hard fans of Man U!

Been thinking for the past few days - when I was resting myself on my aging couch. Few things crossed my mind and I really need to address those. 1st, I have to change my blog dressing, which, hmm.. I did, and really like the new colors and concept. Secondly, I really need A BREAK! God! I have spent most of my last 10 months stucked in my damn cubicle and staring at my depreciating screen. I really need to revisit my plan to detach myself from the ordinary thing, yes, project PIN is about to be re-activated. And, tomorrow, this plan will be highlighted and digested over the lunch. Can't wait!

Third thing to do is? - need to call for a meet-up with my old buddies. When was the last meet-up? Ugh, barely recall. More than 5 weeks ago, I guess. Looking forward for it, cause there will always good stories to be tell and shared among us. No damn-job-related topics, that is always the rule. It always good to have this nonsense-session where illogical matters seems to be the centre of discussion. Ehehe, what am I talking? I guess, my S10 screen is just to small, and that affecting my brain. Can't think!

Fourth thing - got to get myself a secondary LCD monitor for my S10. Can't go on staring at my 10 inch monitor, I will go blind one of these days. Already have a couple of options in my head, hmm.. that would cost me another RM370 to RM45o, depending on my mood and how well the amoi can please me (smug face). I should have took this matter into consideration before buying this tiny S10. Hmm...

Fifth - my most anticipated purchase of the year! My first DSLR camera. It is the choice between Nikon D60 or Canon EOS 450D. Can't wait for the day. Already made my research on the pros and cons, ehehe.. and now waiting for my personal advisor to say, "Dude, today is the day where your dream is about to be real!" Ahaks! That gonna cost me another thousands!

Six? Ah, should I continue with this long "what-to-do" list?

I guess, it is time to put a stop. Should continue this in future posting, so atleast I will still have something to write about. Something! Chiao!

Aku.. Kini & Sepotong Memori

Sebulan yang lalu, ketika posting terakhir ditulis, segalanya berbeza. Emosi dan perasaan ketika itu adalah berbeza. Malam itu berbeza. Cuaca juga berbeza. Dan, ketika posting itu ditulis, pemerintah juga berbeza. Kalau ketika itu, negara diterajui oleh Pak Lah and the gang, sekarang Najib berkuasa. Kalau ketika itu Tun Mahathir bukan lagi seorang ahli UMNO, kini, segalanya berubah, borang keahliannya telah dihantar, sejurus Pak Lah melepaskan tampuk pemerintahan. Ironi huh? Ah, pedulikan semua itu. Perkara berubah, seiring dengan masa. Manusia berubah. Politik? Kalau semalam menyokong parti permerintah, hari ini manusia berubah memilih pembangkang. Manusia dengan agendanya dan kepentingannya. Bila agenda berubah, kepentingan terusik, manusia turut berubah.

Dan tak lupa, jalan kat kampung pun sudah mula berubah wajah. Dah lebih 40 tahun, seusia kakak sulungku, jalan itu tak pernah berubah, kalau ada pun, perubahannya amat sedikit, mungkin cuma 2%. Walaupun sudah berpuluh wakil rakyat bertukar-ganti, keadaan jalan itu masih sama. Sempit dan berdebu merah. Bolehlah dikatakan, modenisasi seolah satu kata keramat, yang hanya disebut sekali dalam pusingan abad. Jujur, pernah terdetik di hatiku yang kadangkala bergelora ini, lebih baiklah daerahku ini diperintah oleh seekor beruk, kerna binatang kecil itu tidak dikurniakan akal untuk berfikir. Aku rela diperintah beruk yang tak berakal dari diperintah manusia yang tak mampu menggunakan akal fikiran. Lantang sangat tu. Marah dan dendam! Lantas, justifikasi itu kusimpan dalam-dalam disudut hatiku, panas, membara! Dan tak kala pemerintah bijak itu berbicara tentang Selangor maju tahun 2005, berbicara tentang internet, tentang jalur lebar dan tentang impiannya untuk merealisasikan imaginasi melampaunya, daerahku ini masih seperti ketika kakak sulungku berusia 1 tahun. Tercicir dari imaginasinya. Dan, jujur, masih banyak daerah dinegeriku yang masih terpinggir. Jangan bicara pasal jalur lebar, jangan lah bicara tentang internet, tentang teknologi, kalau keperluan asas masih lagi ditagih. Jangan bicara pasal melayu glokal kalau muka masih berbedakkan debu!

Hmm.. masih ingat aku, ketika berjalan balik dari sekolah, dijalan sempit dan berdebu itu, dengan beg hijau berharga tak lebih RM10, dijunjung atas kepala menghalang panahan cahaya mentari terpajak 90 darjah. Sambil mulutku menghisap sisa-sisa manis gula-gula 5 sen yang aku beli dikedai Haji Sitam. Sejauh 1.6km. Di jalan itulah. Dan debu-debu itulah. Ah, itu 24-25 tahun yang lalu. Ketika itu aku masih mentah dan jahil ilmu. Dan ketika itu, kamus tatabahasaku terlalu amat sedikit. Perkataan Modenisasi tertalu asing buatku. Dan jalan itu adalah separuh dari duniaku. Syukur, ketika aku tidak pandai mengeluh, tidak seperti aku sekarang. Kalau adapun, terlalu amat sedikit berbanding sekarang. Mungkin itulah harga yang harus aku dibayar. Harga sebuah kematangan.

Semalam, segalanya berubah.

Jalan itu berubah. Lebar dan berpasir. Debu putih itu seolah membasuh segala apa yang terbuku dalam hati setelah sekian lama. Dan seolah ada harapan. Walaupun mungkin hanya sekecil hablur pasir itu, aku kembali membina asa-asas harapan yang segalanya mungkin akan berubah. Dan, mungkin jalan itu akan menjadi titik permulaan untuk sesuatu yang lebih besar. Pembaharuan yang besar ertinya. Yang mungkin terlalu besar buat mereka yang menetap di daerah berdebu itu. Buat mereka yang rata-ratanya berada diakhir kitaran hidup. Dan mungkin pembaharuan yang mampu menghakis kenanganku pada jalan sempit dan berdebu itu. Kembali mengharap. Penantian selama lebih 40 tahun ? Itulah harganya.

Alhamdullillah!

Matinya Di Daerah Asing

10 bulan lalu, dia diambil pergi. Bukan kerna kemahuan. Bukan atas kerelaan. Tapi kerna terpaksa. Jika diberi pilihan, pastinya dia mahu terus tinggal disitu. Di daerah kelahirannya. Di daerah dimana dia menghabiskan warna-warni keremajaannya. Daerah di mana dia belajar mengagah dan mencorak warna awal hidupnya. Di situ dia mengecap nikmat hidup. Hujan, panas, terang perit dah jerih, walau sesukar mana, dia tetap gembira. Baginya di situ ada jiwa. Dan jiwa itu adalah segalanya.

Dan, hampir 10 bulan juga dia telah berada disini. Dunia baru. Satu daerah yang asing, tandus dan statik. Di sini segalanya kaku. Dan disini, dunia ini seolah-olah menidakkan kewujudannya. Ah, dunia apa ini? Si penjaga yang membawanya ke sini juga seolah telah sesat dalam dunia statik ini. Dalam dunia ciptaannya sendiri.

Dan selama 10 bulan itu jugalah dia cuba untuk meyakinkan diri untuk mencorak warna hidup di daerah baru. Namun hampa. Semakin hari, keyakinannya semakin terhakis. Tertekan. Hidupnya sepi. Melur tiada disisinya. Begitu juga Lili. Dua teman rapatnya. Dulu, ketika mereka bersama, di daerah itu, perkataan sunyi tidak pernah wujud dalam hidup mereka. Sentiasa mereka bersama, mendongak mentari dan menadah hujan. Itulah catatan diari harian mereka. Semuanya dilakukan bersama. Jemu? Ah, jauh sekali. Namun, Tuhan tidak memberinya kudrat untuk menolak takdir. Bukankah takdir itu datang dari-Nya? Dan takdirlah yang telah memanggilnya ke sini. Tuhan juga tidak memberinya kudrat untuk kembali menagih hidup ke daerah tinggalannya.

Dua hari lalu sakit telah datang menjemputnya. Noktah.

Hari ini, dia menghitung detik2 waktu pengakhir kisahnya. Tidak pernah terfikir di benaknya yang hidupnya sebegini singkat. Dan sesepi ini. Hina sangatkah dia? Menghitung detik akhir berseorangan. Bila?

Matinya disini.

".. manapun aku berlabuh.. pastinya untuk disambut, biarpun tak bersungguh.. biarlah tak tertangguh ditelapak kaki mu.. ... sakit....."

~ ehehe ~

Pause Of The Day

It is 7.45am. And this is me, sitting in my car and listening to my favorite songs. Firstly, I should thank to whoever invented this tiny thing that we called a cassette player, or a disc player, or a mp3 player, or whatever people may called it elsewhere in this planet. Secondly, I should also thank the carmaker for installing this car with a disc player, so people like me who spent 8% of the day --> in my car, alone <---, would have something to listen to. Brilliant invention !!! Just imagine, what a person would do, sitting alone and driving from point A (Kangar, Perlis) to point B (Johor Bahru) without having any kind of entertainment or communication ?? Did you ever thought about it ?? I guess, people like me can always do with singing, but for how long ? Until out of voice ? Until my throat went dry ? Hmm.. so, what I am trying to say is, I should be thankful to God! Thankful, for still having a great sense of hearing (one of many). And for the tiny disc player, ahakss! And of course, the Cranberries CDs!

Outside, nothing move. I am in a complete state of stationary. On my left, a chinese girl driving a green MyVi, and like me she's also trying very hard to understand (I believe so, judging from her expression) what life she has got into, trapped in the maze of traffic, and the brain start to process all the available options and possible way out from this state. At the moment, there is no practical answer. Nope. But I believe that each and everyone out there, like me and the chinese girl in the green MyVi, who trapped in this bloody maze almost everyday would somehow, in their mind thinking about what life have they got into. And I also believe that more than half of them are blessed for having a companion or atleast something to listen to. Am I right ? Or to hell with that thought ? This maze is killing me !! Ever since the government reduce the fuel price, people starts to drive again. Majority of them think they have an extra buck to be spent and driving is again become a habit, especially during this rainy season. Eventhough I don't have anything to prove on the relationship between the fuel price and our driving habit, I strongly believe that my point is valid. Just believe it. The are times in life where we should only hear what our natural sense has to say, no question to that, and no need to prove anything. Gut says!

So, I took out my cellphone and snapped a few shots of the fine morning. Took a picture of cars infront of me. And took a picture of the sun. What a good thing to do huh? Enjoy the morning and enjoy the moment! Atleast I manage see the morning sunlight. Wish that I have this luxury everyday. The luxury of not having this weird feeling in me whenever I sit in my workstation. Ah, just a stupid wish though! During this period of worst economic climate, complaining about life is the last thing I should do. No matter how negative is my perception towards life and ahead, I have to live with it! c'est la vie!

Time moving so slow, a minute seems like an hour. Honk !!! Ah, got to go now, before the whole world start to screams at me! And finally, everything around me starts to move!

Meet me again in future entry.

A Raining Sunday

8.30am. Nothing much I can do, so just sit on this olden couch trying very hard to write something. It has been a week since my last writing. A week full of stories but what I have here is nothing but blank in my brain, with not even a single word to start with a sentence. God, at this very moment I really feel my loneliness. So wish I have somebody to talk to. Hmm..

Another hectic week just went by. I barely seen the sun. Routine, I would left my house around 6.50am. Lately, the traffic was damn worst, so I guess it left me no options other than to go to my office earlier than before. And to end the day, I will head back from office around 8.00pm. So, basically, I would spent more than half of my 24hrs working and driving. Is this the kind of life that I have to live with? Do I have option not to live this life the way I live, currently? Of course I do. And at this very moment. I will not decide when and how I would change this life. Not today.

I had a series of weird dreams last week. One of the dream was really wicked and it kept bugging me until today. In that dream, I met old buddy of mine. And in that dream, I spent a day with him, his wife and his daughter. We talked, we laughed and we did things that we were used to do during our college-days. And, that is weird since we never met for years. Not after he got married. Why in this dream? My mom used to telling me that, if I met somebody I knew, in my dream, something bad is gonna happen to him. God, should I believe this? Nah, sorry mom, I choose not to believe it. Let be realistic and let be positive. Maybe it is time for me to start making few calls to my lost friends. Maybe it is time to re-visit what was forgotten. Time to discover what have been lost for years. And this dream is the first step. The first step to a long discovery.

Is this the miracle that I have been waiting for? In my previous entry, I have wrote that I wish to find a miracle this year. Is this it?

Outside, is still raining.

45th Day & Counting ...

45th day of 2009. It was a quick weekend. I spent my half Saturday sitting and thinking what I have achieved so far. Looking back, there's nothing much though. I guess, it's still early to make any judgement as whether 2009 is going to be an interesting and tantalizing year. Another 10 and a half months. Or another 320 days to go, to be exact. I guess I have to wait. Like I always did. Waiting.

Life (work) was hectic for the past one week. But, funny, despite all the things that I have finished, I feel like I didn't do much, my assignments are still piling up, and no sign of ******!! Everyone was busy with KPI since Thursday was the dateline. And Me? I spent my whole Thursday doing my KPI too. Wait, was it Thursday or Wednesday? Hmm.. guess I forgot again, what day it was. Anyway, he did his evaluation on me. About me and what he "saw" in me. What I have achieved in 2008, and what I have NOT. But, overall, it was a quick one. Not more that 5 minutes. But, the hell with what he saw and what he expect me to be.

What he expect me to be? And what I expect me, myself to be this year?

He knows or just pretend to be, knows. Me? Seriously, I dunno.

Aku & Segelas Milo Panas - Part 2

"Kau tengok tu", katanya, sambil menudingkan jarinya. "Apa?" aku bertanya sambil mengarahkan pandanganku kearah kawasan pembinaan yang terletak tidak berapa jauh dari kawasan rumah. "Itulah, buruh-buruh indon tu, dah malam macam ni pun masih kerja kuat", hujahnya kepada aku. Aku garu-garu kepala yang tiba-tiba pulak gatal.

Betul kata dia. Indon-indon itu masih tekun bekerja. Gelap, mereka cuma bersinarkan cahaya lampu kabait, yang meliuk-liuk ditiup angin. Tabah, kataku dalam hati. Dan, dia masih lagi menumpukan pandangannya ke arah itu.

"Mereka pendatang", aku cuba memecah kesunyian.

"Kalau kita juga pendatang dibumi ini, seperti mereka, aku rasa kita jugak akan seperti itu . Kerja siang dan malam. Ini soal hidup dan mati dibumi asing. Ini soal survival mereka. Mereka terpaksa. Dan kita..", aku berhenti berkata. Dia menoleh kearahku. Cuba mentafsir apa yang aku cuba sampaikan. Aku diam. Begitu jugak dia.

"Mereka seperti kita jugak", kataku sambil mengusap-usap telinga gelas. Air milo yang tadi panas dah hampir sejuk.

Dia masih diam.

"Seperti kita, mereka tak ada banyak pilihan. Dan itulah pilihan yang terbaik untuk mereka, buat masa ini, sekurang-kurangnya, mereka ada sesuatu yang nak dibikin untuk menghilangkan kerinduan mereka pada kampung halaman. Atau kerinduan mereka kepada saat-saat indah dalam kehidupan mereka sebelum mereka sampai disini." tambahku.

"Kau masih ingat apa kata-kata Dufresne kan? Semasa dia duduk sendirian dalam bilik kecil tu?" tanyaku. Dia diam, dan lantas mengangguk-anggukkan kepalanya perlahan. Tangannya mengusap-ngusap badan gitar usangnya itu. "Ya, aku ingat tu", jawabnya.

"Manusia akan membuat apa saja untuk tidak membiarkan kotak mindanya terbiar kosong", sambungnya sambil tersengih. "Malam-malam macam ni pun sempat jugak kau nak berfalsafah dengan aku yer.." sambungnya lagi.

"Malam la masa nak berfalsafah beb", balasku sambil mencebik.

Malam makin menjangkau. Indon-indon tu masih lagi taksub dengan kerja-kerja mereka, Malah satu-dua dari mereka masih mampu untuk bergurau. Dan aku masih di beranda itu. Melihat telatah malam dan mereka. Dan dia.

Me & Midnight - Part 2

Mom and sis are both already lost into nothingness, far away in the state of dreamland. Me? I still couldn’t get myself into sleeping mood. Turned off the TV and turned off the only ceiling lamp but still couldn’t close my eyes. Too tired maybe. I always have this habit where I couldn’t sleep when too tired. Sound weird huh? It is a weird world. And full of weird people.

So, I took my laptop out from its pink case. Gently I put it down on my faded mattress. Still firm despite the glooming color due to its age. I turn on my laptop. The dark room now started to gleam from the screen. One of the quietest moment in my life. And writing is seems the only option now. At least to make my mind occupied, even just for one paragraph full of nonsense. Hope this could help me to ease my raging mood.

Silent. And too quiet.

Was a hectic week. The traffic was damn worst! A 38km journey which normally took me bout 30 minutes now is doubled of that. Patience is now my greatest enemy. How long can I sustain this? How long you people out there, who share the same feeling as me, can sustain this? Or am I alone? God, help me. Workload is peaking. I spent my last four working days doing other people's work. That stupid man! And that stupid BRP3! Everyone around me seems to be so stupid and so annoying!

Wait! Where does this hostility came from?

Only saw her once this week. She was wearing that dress. Blue dress. Flowered. Her big eyes and her shiny black hair. I kept looking at her. She was crossing the road. At the usual spot, crowded with morning traffic. She took her cautious step, looking at her right and left, before crossing the road. To keep her safe from reckless malaysian driver. And I kept my eyes at her. And for that little stunt I almost get myself killed.

Hey, this is me. And still writing. With my half-closed eyes. It works! Writing make me feel sleepy. So, this is me, withdrawing myself from this medium. I will be back again. I promise.

Goodnite!

String Of Memories

It was a hot day. He threw the car keys on the sofa and went upstairs for Zohor. Then, after 10 minutes, he came down, holding a guitar on his right hand and seated on the faded-brown couch. And still holding the guitar. An old acoustic guitar which he bought more than 6 years ago. Still remembered when. Two days after he came back from his vacation --> Perhentian Island <--. God, 6 years?, seems not so long ago.

"Why did you bought it?", I asked. "Just simply", he replied to me, without even looking at my face. His hands was busy with the new strings that he just bought. I just looked at him and try to understand why he has to change the guitar strings. "What you gonna do with the old ones?", I tried to start a conversation. "What?". "What you gonna do with the old strings?", I repeated my question. "Well, I will keep em', who knows I might need em' in the future", he turned his head to me and grinned. "So, what song you gonna play?", I asked him, right after he finished fixing the new strings. "I dunno, what song do you like to hear?", he asked. His left hand was on the fret, try to find a chord to play. Silent.

"Something has happen to me when I was on my vacation", suddenly he spoke. "Sorry, what had happened?", I asked him. Silent again. "I dunno what it actually was, but there was a moment where I said to myself that I must buy a guitar right after I come back from my vacation", he replied. He looked at me. I can see a determination in his eyes. "That is why I bought this guitar", and gently he strummed the new strings. There was a moment of silent. We both unspeaked. And he continued to play and strummed his guitar for about 5 minutes. Nice melody though. And he started to sing. Like always, I just sit on the couch and listened to him. His husky voice, his music with his own interpretation. I smile.

"Kringgg!!". I seated. Sweats all over me. It was so hot.

Just a dream.

Aku & Segelas Milo Panas - Part 1

Terkurung. Itulah yang dapat aku simpulkan. Dari jam 1.30 petang tadi hingga sekarang aku masih melekat di sofa ini, mengadap komputer ribaku yang semakin panas. Kalaulah sofa ini mampu berkata-kata, aku rasa sudah lama aku dihalau keluar. Ah, peduli apa aku! Halaulah aku keluar!

Sluurp.. ah, sedap jugak air milo nih. Kuhirup air milo itu perlahan-lahan, panas tetapi mampu memberi tenaga. Tenaga yang mampu memberikanku kesegaran. Pening kepalaku dah semakin berkurang. Cuma loya yang tinggal. Pelik juga, tak pernah aku loya macam nih, mungkin sebab terlalu lama mengadap komputer dan tv. Hmm.. mungkin coklat ini dapat membantu, sambil ku kunyah coklat yang dah berkurun ku simpan dalam peti sejuk ku. Keras seperti batu. Keras betul coklat nih. Nak saja kurendam coklat nih dalam air milo. Biar cair. Cair bersama milo. Pekat. Mungkin lebih sedap milo nih, kalau ada rasa coklat pekat.

Dah hampir seminggu blogku terbiar. Tak ada apa yang menarik nak ku tulis. Ini percubaan pertama dalam bahasa melayu. Harap-harap aku masih mampu menulis, dalam bahasa yang dah lama aku perap dalam kotak mindaku. Bukan mudah nak menulis rupanya. Apatah lagi dalam bahasa yang semakin asing dalam hidupku. Aku masih petah berkata-kata. Tapi untuk menulis, ia satu cabaran yang menggetirkan. Betul ke apa yang aku tulis nih? Ah, berkarat dah! Rasa nak kucelup saja kepalaku dalam air milo nih. Biar cair bersama-sama dengan coklat batu tadi. Dah lebih 20 tahun ia terpinggir dari hidupku. Dah lebih 20 tahun juga aku seolah-olah menidakkan kehadirannya. Bahasa yang pernah mengenalkan aku ke dunia komunikasi. Tanpanya aku pasti bisu. Mungkin inilah natijah yang terpaksa aku pikul. Bergelumang dalam dunia yang mengagungkan bahasa asing. Mengeluh.

Adil ker? Menyalahkan keaadan untuk melepaskan diri dari jerat yang kupasang sendiri? Mungkin ketaksubanku terhadap bahasa yang aku rasa dapat melonjakkan aku ke tahap lebih tinggi sedikit sebanyak telah memakan diriku sendiri. Mungkinkah dengan percubaan ini, aku mampu untuk memulihkan apa yang telah lama sakit? Mungkin. Aku hanya mampu berharap. Mampu kah aku?

Malam semakin larut.

Ah, dah habis pulak air milo nih.

Me & Dilemma - An Answer to Part 1

Yup, let's put an end to this. So, no more unanswered dilemma. I already gave my answer. She called me on the third day after the meeting. And we had a long conversation. I told her what I felt about it. Told her some of the findings that I have googled-out. And, the answer was "NOPE". At first, she was a little bit disappointed with my answer. And she wanted me to justified my reason for rejecting. So, I did. Told her everything. I told her that I did not oppose the concept but I did not agree with some of the methodology and approaches, and for the "too secretive" about the price and stuffs.

And she finally accepted it. Without any doubt.

I am happy. Happy and able to breathe, knowing that I am no longer hooked. Managed to pushed myself away from the guilty feeling and to have the gut to tell her everything, about what I really feel without fear of rejection. And I am glad that she can accept it without a doubt. And we still talk. But I still owe her the book and the CDs. To return what is not mine.

Thank God!

This is me. Walking away. From the corner, where I used to be sitting. The corner where I never thought I would win. After all, it wasn't that hard. What I need ---> believe and gut <---.

Pergh! Damn Expensive!!

I sent my car for service last Saturday. I reached the service centre around 8.20am. Judging from the number of people waiting, my gut says that everything should be over in an hour or less than two, the most. I took my number. And the current queue number shown on the screen was 2001. I looked down at mine, 2003 - "Ahh, this is good, I would be home by twelve or one.." that was my first thought when I took that small piece of paper. Then I took a sit and waited.

Ding! My turn finally came. Like always, I slowly drag my lazy bum and seated on a chair in front of the table, where a fair-skinned, friendly faced, chinese guy was sitting. He greeted me. I gave my car keys and my service booklet and then impatiently waiting, while my tummy started to play a hungry song. Then, he, the guy spoke! "Service for 62,oookm?". Me, "Hell yeh!". Then he showed me the paper and started to brief me about what they gonna do to my City... engine oil, gasket, oil filter, change this, change that..bla, bla.. recommended for an aircond service, bla, bla.. bla, bla.. and RM810.00. What?? "After discount, it's RM741.00". Me, "Why are so expensive?". "Normal price, bang. Everything will be done in a half an hour".

I signed the job order.

Again, I took a seat at the corner and waited. One hour. Pause. Two hours gone. I looked at my watch and again waited. Lost between the earth and the sky. Three hours gone. My tummy continued to sing. Ridicullous! And again, patiently I waited. And lost within myself.

8610!

Ah! Finally. I gave my card. I signed the job order and took the receipt. "No addtional discount huh?", I asked the amoi. "Nope, normal price bang". Hmm.. the same answer.

I took my car keys and walked towards my car. Then sped off.

What a day!

Me & Dilemma - Part 1

Hate myself whenever I be in this situation! Like what has been promised, I followed her to her so called "business opportunity" meeting. So, we reached there around 1.55pm and then completed our registration and went down to ground level to have our late lunch --> Secret Recipe <-- where I ordered my meatballs spaghetti and tropical smoothies. So, after consumed our meals, we went back to the room. A fair, tall and not so big guy was already on the stage talking about money, how to get rich and some stuffs. And then, out of no where the magic word suddenly came out! *****! What? I never expect to hear this name, not here, not now! She never mentioned a thing about this name. What she told me was, something to do with internet-based business opportunity, not a MLM kind of business. Aduh!

So, after about 4 hours of talking, aspiring and clapping, the meeting ended. She introduce me to her upline, maybe, or whatever they may called it here. So, like always, I just stand there awkwardly and tried my best to pretend like I am interested. Damn! I am so not good at this pretending thing. And her upline was managed to convince me to meet her next tuesday to talk more about it. And she also managed to give me two CDs for me to hear, in my car atleast, that what she hoped. Arghh! What should I do know? I was hooked and there is a planet of regret in me, blaming myself for attending this meeting. But on the other hand I feel obliged.

What is next? I was cornered and there is no an exit light to it, that was what bunny told me. I guess, she was right! Cornered!

Lets pray and hope for an answer!

Me & Midnight - Part 1

Its 1.45am. Just ended my conversation with bunny. Thanks, for the time, and for everything! Now, here I am, again with nothing left to do. Hmm.. the game is only gonna start at 2pm, and I dunno whether I can wait for another few minutes. Tried to close my eyes but I guess it is stupid thing to do. So, decided to write something tonight. It has been a week since my last posting.

termenungku
duduk mengelamun jauh
memikirkan nasibku
kegelapan di sudut jendela ini
rembulan bersembunyi
menghiburkan hati yang gundah gulana
tak tahu bagaimana?

Kinda catchy huh? Ehehe.. was listening to that song. I dunno whether you have ever heard of it. Me? Sincerely, it was one of my favorite and still one. A classic song. I believe it was written back somewhere in the 80s. Yup, 80s, the era where the melody and the lyric were gorgeous. They blend and they compliment each other. I guess that what makes me miss those days :) And, for this song, it was, what should I say? Brilliant! Yes! It makes me want to sing together with Francesca. Her voice? Hmm.. sound so oldies!

Sometime I wonder, where are trumpets and saxophone these days? They seldom being used in the songs lately huh? I wonder why? Or it was just me, fail to recognize it, or am I listening to wrong genre of songs? Ehehe.. what am I mumbling about?

Got to put myself to sleep. Tomorrow have something to do. A promise that I need to fulfill. A favor to a friend of mine. Hoping for something that gonna surprise me. Something that could, maybe, lead me to a new direction in life. She has talked about it for a month, now. So, I guess, if my little favour could make her life a little happier, why not. That is all I can do. Help her.

So, this is me, trying very hard to close my eyes. Hoping though, for the best dream ever! Good night!

Chiao!

She Got A Lump In Her Throat?

Stay up quite late last nite. My favorite team Arsenal had a home-game with Bolton Wanderers. Luckily they won the game. They won by 1-0, thanks to Nicklas Bendtner for the late winning goal! Can't recall when I fell asleep though, but what I do recall is I wake somewhere between 4 to 5 am to turn off the TV. Wasted energy!

Morning. Soon after finish my breakfast (thanks Lonkk!!) I start hacking my netbook. 1st thing to do is, to check her blog. As I expected, she posted two writing, mostly about her interpretation towards a song and about her feeling. Hmm.. "Lump In My Throat", that is one of her writing. Does that has anything to do with me? Only she knows. But, why do I have a planet of feeling inside me telling me that the writing is has to do with me? She implied in her posting that she ended her conversation with her buddy in a very unpleasant manner. She did not actually said it but that what I think she actually meant. And I know it right cuz that "buddy" was me! :(

Were you mad? Had I hurt you in any way? Sorry, I didn't meant to hurt your feeling. It was meant to be a joke. I didn't know you were too fragile last nite. Or, it just me who failed to see your sensitivity. Or, was it because of your "girl" thing? Hmm.. what can I do to make you smile? 3G conversation? Sorry cuz I can't do that. My battery is running at lowest capacity, I think I did told you that, kan? How about flowers? Roses? Red roses perhaps, ould help to ease your throat. But where can I find those roses? Aha, I have an ideas! Take this, okay. Look at your far right, could you see them? The red roses, could you see? There, at your right side. Ehehe, hope those roses could find you. Hope they find you well. And hope you like them. Hope they can make you smiling, right now! And really hope they can brush that "lump" away from you throat, way down to your stomach and way down to where it supposed to make its final exit. Hope. Make my hope become a reality, kay.

Anyway, you have the option not to read this posting. You have the right not to take those roses. And you have the right not to do anything or to do whatever you may want to. Wish you a pleasant day though. It your choice!

Chiao!

It Haunting Me

Bored. For the past an hour I have been lying on my couch, with the TV remote at my hand, browsing from one channel to another, but nothing excites me. With more than 30 channels available, I could not find even one program that can really make me to stay on my couch. Hmm.. wonder what RM59.90 a month worth for? What I get is the same old program being repeated at a different timing and different day.

So, I decided not to stay and start googling the net --> thank God, for my new S10 netbook, which I bought few days ago <--- So, after half an hour searching the net for something special, I stumble across a song which used to be one of my favorite, and still one of mine. It is a japanese song and was used as a soundtrack for Tarantino's film, Kill Bill vol.1. The truth is, I don't understand a damn about it, the lyric, but what I do know is, the melody is damn brilliant! And Mieko's voice is gorgeous, and it haunting me. This song got its soul.

Meiko Kaji - Flower Of Carnage!

Enjoy? How was it? Brilliant piece of art huh?

Chiao! ;)

The Beginning of A New Chapter

Finally, 2009 is here. Does it really matter to me? Nah! it just likes a normal day. Everyday is a new day, so what is so BIG THING about it. And there is nothing to be celebrated. That is just my thought though. Some might say I am dumb.

Anyway, I spent my 31st December night with Darn. We ordered 20 sticks of sate and 2 jugs of air kelapa. The taste was damn good! The truth is, I don’t know whether it was really taste good or it just me. Barely recall when was my last time having it. Seems like so long ago.. ahakss! So, we sat there, we ate, we chat, we laugh, and we ate again and again. Good to be away from what I normally do everyday. Lately, I feel like my life has becoming too routine and too boring, so I guess by dis-engaging myself, away from what I normally do is like an antidote. What am I saying?

Let see. What do I expect in 2009? Should I start to readjust my life and should I start redefine the purpose of life. Sometime I do. But most of the time I don’t. Would prefer to enjoy my journey of life without any plan. Just let whatever things come unplanned and accept the outcome without too many questions. Let it be a mystery and let it be a surprise!

Anyway, I do hope that this year is going to be one of the greatest. Hope for a smooth journey, where everything is going to be easy for me. Need to spend more time at home, do some gardening maybe. Give my wall a new paint, rearrange my things, more mirrors, get an indoor “fountain of luck”, more paintings on the wall, wow, so many things in my head. Those are just hope. Hope that I can find and spare some times to do all that. Hope. Anyway, like Dufresne said, “Hope is good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies”.

Chiao!